A year later

It's been a year since Ashley passed away and I've been on a mission to find a cure for EOS and to stop bullying. It was a very emotional day and the balloon release in her memory was overwhelming and awesome. There are so many wonderful people out there! Thanks to all of you! I am moving on and have the same passion as I did last year. Life has started to settle down a bit. I still have anxiety and nervousness when trying to do some of the things in life that we take fro granted. It will get better, I know. I just want to continue to help others if I can and to continue to fight against bullying.

Coming up on the year

As I face the memories that led up to the day Ashley died, I am filled with grief, anger, anxiety and sadness. There are happy times, too. One thing that stood out in my head that night as I stood in the cold night and felt like I was in the middle of a CSI movie was that she had slept in my bed the night before and was very snuggly and close. It's like she was saying goodbye to me in a way that was soft and less hurtful. I had talked to her on the phone 3 times that day and she seemed ok. After I went back to work, i looked up all the e-mails that she'd sent me, usually funny, and put them in a folder to save. Anytime I see a picture of her that I don't have or haven't seen, I get excited. I am feeling as down as a person can feel today, but I know there are so many people praying for me and thinking about me and the family.

Moving on

Today is October 5, 2010. Almost a year ago I was fighting to save my daughter's life and barely doing anything else. My whole life revolved around making sure I had the food she could eat and the nutrition she needed. I never expected the tragedy that was coming up and continued to do what I could to make her comfortable and give her happiness. Since that time. I have become very involved the the EOS world and hope to spread Ashley's story to raise awareness and research funds. I now have her headstone in place and it is beautiful! I know she would be proud. I have met so many wonderful people this past year and feel wealthy with friends. I have a future ahead of me, I just don't know what it is yet and am patient. I am taking the day off today to reflect and relax. I am going all the time, but that is the only way I can make it. Otherwise, I want to sleep all the time. Life hasn't been easy and I've made some bad decisions, but I just keep putting one foot in front of the other every day.